Eccentricity of the Idea...Convergence of the Idea.

I’m not sure how it is supposed to be.Or how I’m supposed to feel today,at this very instance.

Life is what happened when I was just about beginning to settle into my empty clan .And then along came You.And thus started this incredible ride. Up and Down. Falling sideways and then back on Top. Having you always...With me...In me.

In moments of temporary sanity or insanity (I’m still not sure which) I would reflect where this was all going to lead to. I always knew we were going separate ways. We were honest,at least, about that.
After much disarrayed thought I’d state to myself (and eventually to you) my
‘Plan of Action’ – unusually rational and self-satisfying. For both. Fair enough. Strangers after Love. Life after Life. Made sense.

I keep justifying heaven knows what in my head. Every second.

Everyone says ‘Everything happens for a reason’. We’ve heard that too many times before. And I don’t see how that is empathetic in any way because that is just one hell of a bloody depressing sentence (excuse the language)!! No offence. I’ve told you time and again,it’s almost like one’s just trying to pacify oneself or others by GIVING reason to something obnoxious that has befallen themselves or others.

Before we knew it,there we were,at the end.(Or as you’d want to put it ‘until next time’! )
Time.
Living without you is probably teaching me more than what I learnt while living with you!
It just gets a little harder every time I hear you say you love me.
I’m afraid. To believe.
And more afraid because I think I do believe.

But,
What about my ‘Plan of Action’ – unusually rational and self-satisfying. For both. Fair enough. Strangers after Love. Life after Life. Made sense.


No it didn’t! As I cruelly understand. Too late to change feelings and god, the inevitable -already befallen. But couldn’t bear to be strangers after love,could we? Could there possibly be life after life?

But life is what happened to me. Just when I was beginning to settle into my empty clan,empty relations,giving in to non-existent feelings,falling from grace because I wanted to. And along came You.

And life is what it is still.Because you stayed.

I know everything happens for a reason. Good things do.

I’m still not sure sure how it is supposed to be.Or how I’m supposed to feel today,at this very instance.
But I know it’ll be all right.This incredible ride.
Up and Down. Falling sideways and then back on Top.
Having you always...With me...In me.






….Sriya Coomer

November 7, 2007

Reservation & Response

Reservation :

Some people always start out with expecting less ,moving free yet cautious, always keeping that in mind(Smart approach to begin with,one I would follow in most liklihood).But eventually the moment comes when those very people free themselves of such reservations.They forget,however, that not everyone(NO ONE to be blunt) in this world cares about them alone.
Because that isn't what human beings are fuckin about!!

Yes, they care about other people, but in RELATION to themselves(like with most other things)...benefiting and assisting only themselves and that's perfectly fine!!

Why the fuck should anyone be a Samaritan or well honestly, in love ?!(Judge me if you want for equating Love with Charity). It is stupid. It does not exist.
And that's perfectly fine too.


But just a fucking blow in the face when you make the mistake to expect.
And believe.
And 'almost' love.

But thank God for the almost.



Response :

Run.

Or better still...Learn to unlearn. And live with it.

Or is it the other way around?



Have no reservations to choose ;)




-Sriya Coomer

November 3rd,2007

We Will Always Be

Surfacing
Through your words
And through mine,unspoken
Our night.
So still.So beautiful.
Our moment alone.
Our perfect stance.


I hope you will take care.
You burden me
With your concern,
Your expectations,
Your love;
Freedom.


Touch me
With your Being.
I long.
I pray.
The perfect moment.
Our stance alone.
I will not touch you again.
When will I feel you again?
Such a perfect moment.


Breathe again.
Live.
Say goodbye.
Love.
Leave.Love again.
In our silence
And in this perfect moment
We take away everything
While giving it all
To us.



.....Sriya

You Want To Make A Memory - Bon Jovi

Hello again, it's you and me
Kinda always like it used to be
Sippin' wine, killing time
Trying to solve life's mysteries

How's your life, it's been awhile?
God it's good to see you smile
I see you reaching for your keys
Looking for a reason not to leave

If you don't know if you should stay
If you don't say what's on your mind
Baby just breathe
there's nowhere else tonight we should be

You wanna make a memory?

I dug up this old photograph,
Look at all that hair we had.
It's bittersweet to hear you laugh
Your phone is ringing I don't wanna ask

If you go now, I'll understand.
If you stay, Hey I've got a plan.
We're gonna make a memory.
You wanna steal a piece of time?
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines

You wanna make a memory?

Random

You give me being.

I learn.Joy.Patience.Love

Austere

I want you
I want all
I want peace
I want you to leave

I want to fly
I want to smile again
I want to be happy
I want you to stop loving me

I want to scream
I want to cry
I want to alleviate
I want ME.
I want you to find somewhere else to sleep tonight.

I want to breathe
I want to laugh,out loud
I want to dance
I want to hold you
I want to be closer than you think
I want you…
I want you to take your things and go now.

-And let the pictures be.

-Sriya Coomer

Our songs II

Kiss Me - Sixpence None The Richer


Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and
I will wear that dress

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift up your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon it's hanging tire
Bring, bring,bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Our Songs

Better Together - Jack Johnson

There's no combination of words

I could put on the back of a postcard

No song that I could sing

But I can try for your heart

Our dreams, and they are made out of real things

Like a, shoebox of photographs

With sepiatone loving

Love is the answer,

At least for most of the questions in my heart

Like why are we here?

And where do we go?

And how come it's so hard?

It's not always easy and

Sometimes life can be deceiving

I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together.

It's always better when we're together

Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together

Well, it's always better when we're together

Yeah, it's always better when we're together.

And all of these moments

Just might find their way into my dreams tonight

But I know that they'll be gone

When the morning light sings

And brings new things

For tomorrow night you see

That they'll be gone too

Too many things I have to do

But if all of these dreams might find their way

Into my day to day scene

I'd be under the impression

I was somewhere in between

With only two

Just me and you

Not so many things we got to do

Or places we got to be

We'll Sit beneath the mango tree now.

It's always better when we're together

Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together

Well, it's always better when we're together

Yeah, it's always better when we're together.

I believe in memories

They look so, so pretty when I sleep

Hey now, and when I wake up,

You look so pretty sleeping next to me

But there is not enough time,

And there is no, no song I could sing

And there is no, combination of words I could say

But I will still tell you one thing

We're better together.

She

So here you are now
Naked.
Your walls broken down.
Taken.
So how u feeling?
Is Karma catching up yet?
You broke her heart
Now ‘She’ rips yours apart.

Oh,there you are
Everything you believed in,
Everything you taught yourself to be,
Crashing .
In front of your façade efficiency;
Is karma catching up yet??
Are those tears I see.
Are those tears of …rejection after pretend-love?
Does this sound familiar yet , boy?

Is that you…in the corner?
Are you hiding?
Trying to do a great job as always
Of concealing
The hurt and the disgust
Do you feel like a fool??
I think Karma’s catching up now.

Does it hurt now?
All your defences broken.
And all your veiled strength
In pieces on your empty bed.
So how you feelin now?
Does ‘Her’ smell intoxicate your mind?
Do you wake up thinking ‘She’ might be holding you now?
While the other you pained sleeps lonely at night?
Is Karma catching up now?

U didn’t think ‘She’ loved you , did you?
Like the one who actually did?
Is it embarrassing enough …
Shameful enough now
To have fallen in Love
For the first time now??
And are you lonely now?
Despite being surrounded by concerned friends??
I think Karma’s doing a brilliant job.

..And you said you didn’t believe in Karma.

-Sriya Coomer-"She"

Just Perfect

I'm sorry it's not enough

I'm sorry we're too proud.

I'm sorry we're always screaming.

I'm sorry you drive me up the wall.

I'm sorry I'm always caught in the middle of every day insignificance.


I'm sorry you think you can't speak your mind.

I'm sorry I always have to.

I'm sorry I sometimes cry.

I'm sorry you don't.

I'm sorry you think things have changed.

I'm sorry I think they haven't.

I'm sorry for giving up so easily.

I'm sorry you don't try hard enough.


I'm sorry I'm not great.

I'm sorry you don't understand.

I'm sorry I walk away.

I'm sorry you said those words.

I'm sorry we're like a sad love song now.

I'm sorry this is not the way it's supposed to be.


I'm sorry I'm hurting.

I'm sorry you are too.



But I know there shall be no one else's hand to hold in mine

And I know there can be no other who could make you feel the way I make you feel.

..there can be no other who can feel my soul in the dark...the way you do.


AND I'm not sorry

for wanting YOU

..to touch me

to love me

to hold me

to kiss these very tears i claim i do NOT cry for you.

... I'm not sorry

for our love.

And I'm SO not sorry

to believe in our 'imperfection'.







-Sriya Coomer

March 19th,3:46PM

I'm Going To Kill You

I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to rip your heart out.Mince it into little animal shapes,immerse the extricated parts into the slime of your frothing pain.Burn your insinuations to charcoal.

Break your head open.Fork out the grey matter and flatten your convulations with the back of my blunt shovel.

I'm going to cut open your pretty veins and juice out the superior blood from you.And then I'm going to adjust the varied insertions to make you prettier.

I'm going to poke your left eye out and leave it hanging from the socket-until the massacred white of your eye makes your vision like that of a wandering,incessantly raped concubine's.

I'm going to shave your hair off.Graphiti-in technicolour - ah the nakedness of your skull in place of your moderately nice hair.

I'm going to clip your whole nails out.Butcher every inch of your body.

I'm going to castrate you. And more.

I'm going to leave you lying there on the dainty marble floor.

I'm going to fuckin kill you.

And then.I'm going to give you life.




-Sriya Coomer

17th March..10:09 PM.

Only You

When you're with me,
There's nothing I could long for more
Than the mere truth of you
With me here.


Reveling in your presence,
Each moment is like a lifetime
-of never ending lifetimes;
Your every breath
Enlightening my very existence,
I yearn for your touch
Of life -that you stir in me;
The acceptance you've made me feel
And believe.


You've travelled beyond my skin
-across my mind,
Reaching through my heart
And touched my soul,
You've made me *real*.





-Sriya Coomer

I have learned...

I have learned
Nothing is ever perfect.
I have learned
At most times people just don't try hard enough.

I have learned
It is important to work hard.
I have learned
It works to work 'smart'.

I have learned
It hurts to love.
I have learned
Love is not supposed to hurt.

I have learned
Family stays.
I have learned
At the end of the day you're on your own.

I have learned
It is impossible to completely let go.
I have learned
Sometimes it is harder to hold on.

I have learned
Life is beautiful.
I have learned
All good things DO come to an end.

I have learned
To trust with all my heart.
I have learned
It is most important to believe in yourself.

I have learned
It is very important to be reasonable.
I have learned
All things that can be logically reasoned may not be 'right'.

I have learned
It is important to be practical.
I have learned
It takes a lot to stick to your ethics.

I have learned
It is important to be "efficient".
I have learned
It is worth everything it takes if you can face yourself in the mirror every day.

I have learned
Bonds grow stronger.
I have learned
The inevitable AND the evitable can strike.

I have learned
We are responsible for our choices and the consequences.
I have learned
The thing called 'fate' can flip everything over in a millisecond.

I have learned
It feels brilliant to be in control.
I have learned
It also feels brilliant to lose control.

I have learned
Sometimes it is important to severe ties.
I have learned
Most times convenience wins.

I have learned
Everything can change overnight.
I have learned
Everything can remain the same.

I learn...

-Sriya Coomer.

Feb 18th,'07

The Ressurection

I wrote this in 11th grade during history class (DOUBLE PERIOD -we were still getting used to it then).


I smile
But there’s this pain
Living inside;
I’m supposed to be happy,
These are after all
Precious moments of life.
But there lurks this darkness
I’m hiding in me.


*Plunder*


Laughter
Fades into stillness
Of the stars;
And pain surfaces
Into the heaven of
My heart.


*Façade*


Friendships
New and broken
Leave me shaken
With joy and distress;
And I’m scared no less
Of feelings born
Once again.


*Fallen*


I triumph
Again and again
In so many ways,
Taste of my winnings
Is,oh,so sweet;
But it’s sweeter
With the burden
Of unsaid failures.


*Broken*


Love –
Brings joy into my life;
Wounds my heals;
Opens closed doors,
But listen,
I wanted them closed.


*Numbness*


Life
Is beautiful,
But it means not just breathing,
It’s about living –
Yes,living the pain every day
Again and again,
Is not death beautiful?


*Death*


My heart
Is full
With showers of life –
And my soul explodes
Into grace –
So is this the end?
This IS the end…


*Burial*


Beginning of the end…
In my ear
Hope and despair
Whisper at the same instance,
It is time…
To find myself again;
It’s time again
To *live*
In both joy and pain,
In faith and desolation…
And yet it’s time
To live again…


*Birth*













-Sriya Coomer,'06


P.S-The title,courtesy-Samata Dutta

Pain

Often when a moment of crisis is prevalent,we cry out loud,questioning the times and ourselves as to what the pain that we are enduring could possibly be of value to our lives.A most personal feeling,and we are so afraid to talk about anything personal.But one thing we fail to understand - is that everything IS personal.

Pain.Just a concept for some who may write theses on it.But only those who endure it understand its deeper implications that can only be comprehended through the depth of feeling.

I read somewhere-pain and distress are transient just like life is - a plan of the Eternal.
Death of a loved one.Loss.Despair.Failure.Disappointment.
Death does not close all-it is only a beginning or rather a continuation into the next bit of the REAL PLAN.

Feel the suffering.Embrace it,enjoy it even.Believe in it.Let it make you BEAUTIFUL.

Seize the goddamn moment regardless of what each momentum brings,be it joy or tears.Just FEEL.Just LIVE.Know that you can.

This very suffering shall bring with it the courage to be strong.The courage to move on.

Often our failings as human beings bring pain to us.If we are forgiven by those we injure we feel redeemed (redemption has stories to tell).When we forgive others for the pain and suffering they inflict on us,we are also redeemed then.

Life teaches us so many lessons-of accepting certain situations - passing away of a loved one,separation from a lover,inevitable circumstances.

It is here we need to make a choice- A choice to learn.A choice to listen more.A choice to live more.And a choice to be more.

Yes,life teaches us so many lessons and pain is such an integral part of it,just like joy is.Pain blesses us - with the power to understand,to forgive,to relent,to hold on to memories,to let go,to be stronger,to be calmer,to be angry,to err and to be redeemed.

Pain makes this imperfect world,beautiful.

But then again that is personal.But I'm not afraid to talk about it anymore.


Oh,how we misunderstand Pain.



-Sriya Coomer

2:41 AM

The Wrong One

Muddle of conversation in my head,
Confounded by the luster of life,
Familiar faces
Reminiscent of places
I’ve been going…
And then you

I knew then I wanted to know you,
I knew you felt the same;
Took me by the hand
And led me
Into heaven

They condemn,
You’re the wrong one
Or are you just designed to be
The way they make you out to be?
Your love is
Oh, so sweet.
But are your lies sweeter ?

Your silent words move me
In a way the music of the world cannot;
The look in your eyes –
I’m almost in tears
With the joy in my heart.
This liason is so hard to put into words;
So hard to make it any other way
Than what it already is –
Inconceivable elation fused with pain.

I fail to comprehend
How you make me feel,
I just know that you make me FEEL.

Are you the wrong one?
Why am I happy ?
Are you the wrong one ?
Why am I bleeding ?

Are you the wrong one ?
This pain makes me beautiful.
Are you the wrong one ?
Touch my spirit.
Are you the wrong one?
I want your body.
Are you the wrong one ?
I want your soul.
Are you the wrong one ?
My heart is beating so.
Are you the wrong one ?
My heart is bleeding so.

Are you the wrong one ?
For once I’m not losing my mind
You’re the wrong one…
And the wrong one loves me right.




- Sriya Coomer
September 1st,2006



P.S-Thanks Sam for "Untitle"-ing my poem!

Conversion

I’m ending this journey
To start a new one
Leaving my life
At its most precious, most beautiful

Untouched.Unadulterated.
In all it’s love, music, possibility and pain

I’m letting go
Of all the heartache and friendships
-the memories that have been
And those that are yet to come.

Looking forward
Towards a new life
A new instigation
A new effort
Another eternity
To live and endeavour
And to leave behind.



Sriya Coomer
Jan,’07